do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
