Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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