Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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