New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
