i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
