I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
