I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
