she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
