Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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