remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
