Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
