is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
