It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
