how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
its liver damage thursday
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