Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
