Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
