Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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