And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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