I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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