And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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