note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
