Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
