dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
