Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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