So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
