Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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