I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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