she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
