Redeem this text for a blowjob
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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