hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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