Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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