I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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