Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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