I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just cropdusted the office
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
