I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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