Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My ass is underappreciated
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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