So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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