I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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