Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
