I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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