hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
