This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
