yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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