Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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