She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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