I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
