could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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