My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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