I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
