I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
