note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
